The Invasion of Earth

The Quaster spaceship hovered behind the far side of the moon. They were a martial race, spreading out across the galaxy. They were a scout ship considering whether earth should be their next conquest.

"We have obtained prisoners," said the Scout Commander Third Level, "They are at an event called in their language a "philosopher's convention," which seems to translate as a gathering of thinkers. I thought you would like to know what these creatures' thoughts were."

"Has the translation matrix been programmed?" replied the Supreme Ship Commander.

"Yes, it is adequate for basic conversation."

"Then bring them in."

A group of rather frightened looking Terrans were herded in.

"We of the Quaster are traveling around the galaxy observing different cultures," stated the Ship Commander, glad the Terrans could not read his facial expression or tone of voice. "We understand  that you are thinkers among your people. Tell us, what is your basic thinking about life?"

"I believe that all that matters is what works," said the first philosopher.

"But does that mean that if I were to take a blaster and slowly burn your skin off, that would be acceptable to you?" replied the Ship Commander. "After all, that would work."

The man stood in silence.

"What do you see as the basic facts that order existence?" continued the Ship Commander.

"I do not believe there are a set of ready made facts to adhere to," said a second philosopher. "Truth, after all, is different for everyone."

"Does that mean we are not really in a space ship traveling on the far side of your moon having a discussion?" remarked the Ship Commander.

This philosopher launched into a long lecture on how existence preceded essence, which totally stumped the translator, and it could only reproduce a few random words.

"I do not know your language that well," interrupted the Ship Commander. "Can you sum it up in simple terms?"

"You must find whatever is true for you. You must make a choice and pursue it."

"So if I decide to take my space ship and attack your world and conquer it, is that a good thing? After all, it would be what was true for me."

The second philosopher stood, looking perplexed.

The Ship Commander turned to a third philosopher. "What do you think of this?'

"Before we can answer, we need to understand the meanings of the words involved," responded the third philosopher. "What is 'good'? What is 'true'? And what is 'fact'? We must answer this before we begin."

The Ship Commander pulled aside the Third Level Scout and asked, "What do you think of this? Could they be trying to trick us?"

"I do not understand their species well, but they seem to be honest. The ship's sensors have not picked up any indication they are lying. They should be easy to conquer. Their outlook on life could not allow for any real resistance."

"But they would make very poor slaves," returned the Ship Commander. "You could never give them any orders and expect them to carry them out. I suggest we leave this madhouse and seek a more sensible world to conquer."